The thought of choosing between who can be a part of your wedding day is one of the most painful processes a bridal couple goes through. It can seem harsh, cynical, and can stir up a myriad of deep emotions. But here’s the thing…. it doesn’t have to.

Before you dive into creating a guest list, make sure you’ve created a budget. You should never create your guest list without first knowing how much you have to spend. Creating your guest list before knowing your budgeted amount will just create confusion and hurt if the guest count needs to be extraordinarily low.

Below is a list of guidelines we use here at The Collins to help our bridal couples choose who is invited to their wedding day. Something to note–each person’s list doesn’t have to be equal. If one party wants a larger guest list, it’s customary to have them pay the additional cost per head.

FAMILY

Did you invite along the same family tree lineage? We recommend inviting all same lineage unless there is a large family rift or you’re only close to a specific family member and they cross into the friends category in addition to family.

FRIENDS

Be Choosy- Who will be friends with you in 5 years? We’re serious. Take a HARD look at this list. Invite friends you’ll want to see in your photos 10 years from now.

CO-WORKERS

All or none at all! Exception: If you’re friends outside of work then they are placed on your friends list.

YOUR BOSS

If politics play, invite. If you have colorful characters attending, might be best to refrain.

PLUS ONE

Guests aren’t entitled to a plus one. Create a standard to who gets one. For example, engaged couples, people living with each other, relationships over a year, etc. This will help to clear any confusion from friends when they ask if they are able to bring one. People who love and want to celebrate you will be there no matter their plus one status or not. Placing singles at tables where they know people reduces the need for a plus one.

Refrain from allowing friends to offer payment to help cover the costs of a plus one so they can invite one. This can cause a lot of stress and frustration. It can open issues later on when other single friends ask why that person was there and then become frustrated because they would have “paid” for their guest as well.

CHILDREN

Acceptable and common to say no children. (12 and under is a traditional cut off or graduated from high school). If inviting children in your family- hold to just that. Extending out can cause confusion. If inviting kids, make sure you arrange for babysitting options, particularly for out-of-town guests. You are not expected to cover the costs, but the parents will greatly appreciate the gesture.

PERSON’S WEDDING YOU PREVIOUSLY ATTENDED

Just because you attended a friend’s wedding doesn’t mean that you must extend the invite to them. Don’t feel embarrassed to say no. Everybody is in a different place financially in life or has limited space. If you have the space and finances, then feel free to extend the invite, but if you don’t, don’t feel guilty. Just a reminder… if you share mutual friends, photos may emerge online so be honest about why they aren’t being invited if they feel like they should be.

PEOPLE WHO RANDOMLY SENT YOU A GIFT

No need to invite. Make sure you send a thank you note! A lot of times this will be your parent’s friends that know they aren’t invited to your wedding but want to extend a gift as a kind gesture.

SAVE-THE-DATE LIST

Unless something completely out of control has happened (i.e. COVID-19) invite all guests that you previously send sent the date to. If you need to change your guest list, it’s always best to reach out to them directly. The last thing you want to do is leave them hanging and later find out they were cut. Many people will book hotel and airfare before receiving invitations. Rescinding a save-the-date can have monumental backlash on friendships unless the reason is extremely warranted and you’re honest about it. So if you’re trying to eventually cut your list, only send Save the Date to your A list.

NEIGHBORS

Depends: only if they are friends, otherwise, you can leave them off the list. The exception to this is a neighbor that may or may not be affected by your event due to noise. If you’re hosting a backyard wedding. We recommend always informing them of your plans and if you can, extending an informal invite to have them drop by during dancing. 99% of neighbors will never take you up on this offer and if they do, it’s usually not an issue.

ASSOCIATIONS

Church, Junior League, Rotary, Sorority/Fraternity or other Association groups are sometimes one of the hardest areas to cut from if heavily involved or it’s an all or nothing kind of thing. Reference friends category and if they cross into that, then invite. If not, refrain even through it’s hard to do. Many of them are alongside you during the whole planning process and you’ve told them everything. This again, doesn’t mean that you must invite them.

FINAL THOUGHTS

At the end of the day, this is your wedding day and you want those you know and love to be a part of it. Just make sure you make a list, cut, and then cut again. While it may be hard, there are major benefits to keeping it more intimate and therefore more affordable. Just because you have the space to accommodate, doesn’t mean you have the desire to extend or the money to afford everything it takes to put them on your guest list.

Until next time.. Happy Planning!

Amy

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Vendor Team

• Venue // The Collins off Main
• Photo // Jacquelyn Genevieve Photography
• Florals // Sunburst Blooms
• Catering // Angel Food Catering
• Bar // Cloud Nine Bartending
• Entertainment // Look Alive Productions
• Rentals // Blue Sky Event Rentals
• Extras // Cigarden 
• Cinema // Beck’s Videography